20/20

Y’all. I didn’t blog at all in 2019. I barely blogged in 2018. And I’m hilarious at blogging. #forreal #sad. What the heck did I do in 2019? I’m glad you asked.

One of the easiest things to write, according to my extensive work for 12-14 months at a mom ladies’ magazine, is a post/article that is basically just a list. No awkward transitions, or topic sentences, or cohesive thoughts. Just form follows function. Get those snappy yet helpful ideas on the page! So here I present to you an updated oldie but goodie list I’ve stolen once before from my friend Lil’ K EdWORDS: #whatworkedformelastyear!

1. Theme parties. I know. “But you always throw theme parties! How is that new?” Well, the problem is I don’t always throw theme parties. And I miss them. This year I was able to sneak in a wig-themed Bunco night, Galentines Day, and A Very Chicken Tender Tennessee Christmas (all chicken fingers, one Amy Grant Christmas song on repeat). This worked. Also, do. not. tell. me. if. you. don’t. like. theme. parties. I bet I can already tell.
2. Setting emotional boundaries by using my voice. Loudly. Also known as yelling at people who have pissed me off many times. THIS is working. I’m sure of it.
3. Conditioner only, every other day. But you already knew this trick and forgot to tell me for 40+ years.
4. Pixie cut. See #3.
5. Going to concerts. I hate concerts. But other people love them, and people I love perform them. I’m too old for standing and loud music and planning ahead. But this year I made it to St. Paul and the Broken Bones (with ear plugs and a reserved seat) and a house show of Carly Bannister and John Hart. Boi. Check them out.
6. Keeping track of the books I read. Mainly because I hate when people ask me what I’ve been reading because I can never remember. So now I just cut and paste the list and call it a conversation.
7. Flying short distances instead of driving. I KNOW. SO BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT. I’M SORRY. But it worked for when I had to get places by myself across mountain ranges after sunset multiple times this year. I’ll try to do better.
8. Going to the pool without my children (this is not a bizarre euphemism for some sort of bowel trouble). This is a thing! I love the pool in the late afternoon. I will be that wrinkled, tanned, elderly woman in a threadbare bathing costume.
9. Going to the movies. Y’all. For SO long I talked myself out of this as too expensive. Just wait for the danged Netflix, I’d tell my thrifty self. But those $8-12 pops of self-care have been delightful. And this article confirms it. (Don’t ask me if I’ve seen any good movies lately. I’ve already forgotten. Okay but “Parasite” and “Little Women” are unforgettable.)
10. Commitment by credit card. I can talk myself out of anything fun. But once I pay for it, I have to do it. This new practice is how I spent a peachy few days in Chicago, rooftop pool and all (see #8).
11. Allergy medicine. Y’all have been holding out on me! New nose, new you.
12. The Enneagram, aka Diagnosis Murder, aka the Ouija Board but real. Can you guess my number (see #10)?
13. Various healthy eating practices. For example, don’t eat between 7pm and 7am. Gum makes a great snack. Listen to what your body really wants (broccoli? yes! an entire bag of chocolate peanut butter puffs? also, yes!)
14. For Christmas, wrapping up all of the things my child left around the house for the 3 weeks before Christmas. THIS WORKED. For me. For at least that day. Joy, joy, joy!
15. Discussing college and adulting with my kids, but INSIDE MY OWN HEAD instead of out loud. This is barely working. But better than saying what I think directly to them (see #2 and that yelling thing). I’m trying.
16. Apple Music. AGAIN, WHY ARE YOU HOLDING OUT?!! I’ve known about this but thought it would be too much of a hassle, but then my friend “Carly” likes to make money from her music, so I had to get on it. And guess what? It’s filled my life with happiness. And filled my car with “Dance Monkey” .
17. Bagels in a hotel lobby (just come visit me).
18. Balter’s Happy Hour food menu (just come visit me).
19. Shouldn’t there be 19 things for 2019? Saving the best for last: Tik Tok. Watching it with my teens. Making them with my teens. Generally just enjoying every possible thing about how humans try to make each other laugh.

So in conclusion, (WAIT. LISTS DON’T HAVE CONCLUSIONS)…

20. BE KIND to yourself and to one another. It might be the only thing that works in 2020.