I’m too six-y for my hat

Things I Did During Week 6 of Pretend Normal:

Wrote nine “appointments” on my calendar.

Meal planned into eternity.

Started “Schitts Creek” and “McMillion$” (which, by the way, either should be your easy go-to post-Tiger King).

Finished a fiction book.

Got takeout queso.

Ate a lot of grilled pimiento cheese sandwiches.

Made a haircut appointment for the near future.

Went to a live going-away party, zoom bday party, zoom high school reunion, and zoom college parent webinar.

Had second child declare college plans.

Found a brand new hand sanitizer bottle AND a full container of Lysol wipes AND twelve dirty glasses in the teen wing of the house

Ordered my mom a “Dolly for President” T-shirt.

V

Things I Did During Week 5 of Covid-2019-2020

Restarted the 5-7 stages of grief.

Finished 502-page Churchill book.

Started 1 craft.

Got asked if I’ve been able to work out (this is the opposite of being asked have you been working out).

Worked out every day.

Figured out that my crappy urban grocery store has perfect curbside service.

Wore my mask to Target.

Wore my hair in pigtails.

Went to a track-and-field senior lighting-ceremony drive-by (how do these words make sense now?).

Found a new favorite park to people-watch and people-judge in.

Pre-ordered local pastries a week in advance.

Ordered someone a Little Debbie birthday gift box (not you, Debby, but Happy Birthday!).

Wore a sweatshirt and leftover NYE 2020 glasses for class zoom call.

Never-ending storrrrry

Things I Did during Week 4 of Quarantimes

Made a video for my students dressed as Carole Baskin.

Used cans of beans, water jugs, and husband’s shoes as workout weights.

Did curbside takeout for local sausage cheddar biscuits, fried shrimp, and lemon cake.

Did curbside grocery store pickup in the suburbs and failed to receive bread, pesto, TP, and juice.

Went to crappy urban grocery store and got plenty of everything.

Had multiple zoom meals with people.

Played multiple zoom trivia games with people.

Had multiple porch drop-ins with people.

Googled “when will this be over”.

Things I Thought at the Kroger Today

This is all a hoax.

I am going to die.

How many break and bake cookie packages is too many?

How many break and bake cookie packages is not enough?

Is that person about to cough on me?

I really really need to cough right now.

I am sweating through my shirt: is it the corona or the panic?

Why is there an entire family in aisle 4?

Why are there only plain bagels available?

Why are people hoarding gallon-size Ziplocs?

Are four boxes of precooked bacon enough protein for the week?

How many nights can I pull off 7-can soup for dinner?

There is a fully-badged police officer where my hugging-obsessed bag boy Cliffy usually stands.

Has anyone touched any of this food already?

What do I do if I picked up this apple and don’t want it?

Why is it so hot in here?

I’m buying the name brand QTips on the end so I don’t have to go down the aisle with that family of NINE children to save a dollar on generic.

Why is the entire cast of Tiger King shopping in here this morning?

Ooh, My Little Pretty One

Things I Have Done Since March Ended: Week 3 During El Corona

1. Let my kids each socially distance near a friend. Porch talks, street talks, etc.

2. Bought fabric masks (one pink, one neutrals plaid).

3. Got yelled at by college son for not having enough “real meat” in the house. Everyone is going through their own personal detox.

4. Googled the difference between allergies and covid-19, nineteen times.

5. Sang happy bday to 5 people.

6. Discovered a second takeout place that has homemade potato chips.

7. Scheduled a grocery store pickup, 4 days from now.

8. More crying, less panic-breathing.

9. Made homemade granola.

10. Sent my mom a pie.